Thoughtlessness

Sigh...

I have had one of those days today that makes you wonder why you ever chose to leave the house. With David home this weekend I decided to make good use of my time and run some errands that would have been difficult dragging the kids on. So I left with my list, plenty of energy and a ton of determination to get it all done in a short amount of time. As you have guessed what I ended up with was long lines, items I couldn't locate and a bruised spirit.

Let me preface the rest of the story by saying I have really been trying to have a positive outlook on everything that is changing in our life. Things in our family life are changing rapidly and while some of the changes are exciting, some are really hard. I am not blind to the fact that this move is going to be difficult on my family. I am also not ignoring the fact that it will affect more than just my immediate family. There are some out there though who must think I am oblivious to this all as they constantly insist on making ugly or thoughtless comments about our decision to make this move. This is most disappointing to me because they seem to imply that we have not thoroughly thought this through and weighed all the positives and negatives.

I am hurt and my spirit is wounded by their thoughtlessness. I am certainly capable of understanding the sadness as we will also be very sad when the day to comes to leave good friends and loving family. At the same time we are not planning on dropping off the face of the Earth. Most of the time I believe they are hurt and simply lash out at me without thinking first. So I try to contain myself and just smile, brush it off, and move on.

So today as I was running errands I seemed to be unfortunate enough to continue running in to those who instead of saying "Congrats! What a wonderful thing for you all. We will be praying for you." were more inclined to be thoughtless and in one case down right ugly.

So why did I decide to post this as my nightly blog?

The answer is as simple as asking you all to pray for us. This was not an easy decision. It was prayed about and thought through immensely. We asked for guidance and counsel from God. However, we still need love, support, and encouragement.

So...

Pray for God's guidance in our families life.
Pray for faithfulness from David and I to Him as we take on this new journey.
Pray for our children that we can comfort them and answer their questions in way they can understand.

State of Our Country

First let me ask you all to hear me out on this one. I am not really making a political statement with this particular entry. God laid this on my heart tonight and I thought I would share. Honestly I asked him if it could wait until tomorrow about a millions times. I reminded him that Sarah kept me up all last night and that I had already taken a sleeping pill tonight but obviously he thought it would be more important that I post this since I can't sleep. So here we go...

I was watching Obama's victory speech tonight and listening to his charismatic rhetoric and ideas when I felt the need to just turn it off. I felt God just telling me I didn't need to see it. It took a second but I did finally turn FoxNews off. I flipped the light back on and grabbed my bible and just sat there. I felt God nudging me. I was thinking of all the people who have idolized one candidate or another. And yes, specifically I was thinking of Obama's campaign. All the tears and man hours. All the volunteers and money that was given and spent. And I just couldn't help but wonder what our country would be like if we invested in Jesus/God like it did in this political election? What if we served Him with our time? What if we invested our money in Him? What if we idolized and worshipped Him instead of a particular candidate, party, or ourselves? What would life be like?

I realized I didn't need to continue watching and trying to convince myself of my security. In all reality my security lies in my Lord.

I opened my bible and I landed in Psalms chapter 146 verse 3:

Don't put your confidence in powerful people,
there is no help for you there.
When they breathe their last, they return to the earth,
and all their plans die with them.
But joyful are those who have the God of
Israel as their helper,
whose hope is in their Lord their God.
He made heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them.
He keeps every promise forever.
He gives justice to the oppressed
and food to the hungry.
The Lord frees the prisoners.
The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down.
The Lord loves the Godly.
The Lord protects the foreigners around among us.
He cares for the orphans and widows,
but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.
The Lord will reign forever.
He will be your God, O Jerusalem
throughout the generations.

It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget who we really serve. Am I saying the political process is not important? No. It is our right and duty to vote and we should seek God's guidance in those choices. The point is win or lose, good or bad, who do you really serve? Can you imagine where we would be if America served the Lord with the excitement, devotion, and dedication they have served these presidential candidates? Food for thought:)

This Week...

Hi all! Lots of changes are taking place this week around our house. First our house officially went on the market on Monday. We are praying for God's timing and will but I will tell you that we are a little nervous. Second, David left on Sunday night for Lufkin. I really felt like I had taken a proactive role in explaining it to the girls. I kept it simple by telling them Daddy would be at work burt he will be home Friday night. I reminded and reminded and answered all their questions simply but truthfully. Everything went well until Monday night when Sarah had an absolute meltdown. Bless her heart I have never seen her so upset. I thought Claire would be the one to meltdown on me but I couldn't have been more wrong. Poor Sarah. We are even stuggling at school drop off, which has never been a problem before. I know we will get past it and everything will become more normal but pray for us.

David is doing well. He misses us but it busy so that is good.

Presidential Race

Obviously the race is looking like it is pretty much over and Obama will be the winner. I wish him the best, but to say I am not nervous about the state of our country would be a lie. At this point I will watch wait and pray that he can become a leader that I can respect.

Pray for our family.
Pray for our country.

Anxiety

Almost midnight here yet I am awake and a bundle of nerves. I haven't been sleeping well lately just so many thoughts, questions, fears, and excitement building up that I can't seem to funnel in to something positive. You all know me and how anxious I can become. It is no secret that the last several years I struggled at times even with the help of medication. I guess that is just a personality trait that I have that seems to have become more of a problem in recent years. Makes sense if you think about it. Childhood,at least mine, was pretty easy so even though I think the trait has always been there it has become more pervasive in recent years. I fought the idea of medication for a long time. I think there is just a stigma there that I was afraid of but I have come to accept that it helps me function as a real person and more importantly a mother. Not to mention it is nice to have all you who accept me just the way I am. Crazy or not:)

So lets see what is om my mind tonight that is ridiculous and causing me to stay up this late. Maybe if I blog it out I can get some sleep. Here is a short list. Please laugh with me because when I have these panic attacks sometimes it is the only way to keep from crying;)

How much damage can Obama do to this country in 4 years??? I am guessing quite a bit with most of it being to my pocket book.

Why in the world is my heart burn back? Maybe I have a heart issue? Maybe a valve prolapse? Or maybe I watch way too much Grey's Anatomy??? You think?

Am I damaging my children by moving them? Oh come on I know what you are all thinking. I have probably damaged already letting them watch so much Noggin. Hey, somedays I praise God for Noggin!

Is the inspector going to pass our roof? Yeah I know we would have to get a contract before worrying about that. You know what on second thought we might need to list the house first? Hmmm...

Those spiders on the history channel were creepy. Maybe they live in the basements in PA just like all those ghosts you have been watching Tammy? LOL

Do you see how ridiculous and ludicrous these thoughts get?

In one of my previous blogs I wrote about how I always have a plan for everything. Well let me tell you it is really easy to have a plan for everything when you stay up half the night exploring every possible turn a situation can take. It also means you will be exhausted in the morning and probably make your children late for school.

Pray for me.

By Your Side

I heard this song for the first time a few weeks ago and quickly hunted down the group who recorded it on You Tube. This has got to be the song that has spoken to me more than any other in the last month and I have downloaded it on to my ipod, computer, and it is currently the ring on my cell. Thank you to Tenth Avenue North for a wonderful song that speaks in the depth of my soul.

My favorite verses are the following:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Isn't that just like so many of us?

The other day I just stood for a moment in the middle of Target with this song playing in my head and watched all the people around me. Most of them never noticed me and I thought about how much time, just like them, I spend a day striving towards goals that are unrealistic and pointless. How much time do I spend trying to earn love and grace that is so easily attained and has already been given to me by our Heavenly Father? Why do I do this when I should just embrace Him and receive that love? I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be anything. I just have to embrace the love He gives so freely. You know my friends, no one else in this world can do that for you. No one else can love you so deeply, purely and unconditionally and so many of us refuse it and fight it. Christians and non-Christians alike. We struggle and try to find it in our spouse, children, parents, etc and it simply isn't there because all those people, no matter how much we love them and they love us, are imperfect beings. Jesus is perfect and so is his love! So join me and just try to embrace it. Thank God that He is always right there beside you, loving you just the way you are.

Changes

It has been 15 months now since David started looking for a new job and on Monday he accepted an offer. The weird thing is the interviews, offer, etc from start to finish only took about 2 weeks. There are other positions that it has taken weeks, even months for it all to come together only for us to turn it down in the end but when we started praying consistently and fervently about this one name kept coming to my mind repeatedly. I told David of my thought and sure enough here we are.

David is giving his two weeks this coming Monday and from there he has 4-6 months of training before we will make the move to the Pittsburgh, PA area. I am excited, anxious, and sad all at the same time. It is going to be really tough leaving our family and friends but I have peace of mind that this is where God wants us to be for now.

I have pleaded and prayed that God would show us the way and help us choose the right place and in the end this just felt right.

So much seriousness that I have to tell you there were some humorous moments. My favorite was...

"I talked to Don and he had two places in mind". David

"Uhmmm".(distracted) Amy

"PA or Cairo." David

"Cairo???". (extremely confused) Amy

"Yeah." (excitedly)David

"...as in Egypt???". Amy

Insert lots of silence and then me saying something about needing that idea to sink in for a while as I ran out the door.

And yes for those who read this and wondered we did seriously research it and entertain the idea. In the end we thought moving out of the state first might be a good trial run before ever committing to living that far away. And it in all honesty buys me lots of time to help David convince Don that he could work 4 week on 2 weeks off or something of that nature because lets face it folks I would love to keep my feet on American soil.

Lord I pray tonight that you give David and me peace within ourselves that you are leading us and will be with us wherever we go. Please watch over us C, S, and J and help us help them make this an easy transition. Please help our families as they struggle to find peace also. In your name, Amen.

Please pray for us. Specifically that...

Our house sells quickly and easily.
That I help the girls transition as smoothly as possible.
That David travels safely.
That God will continue to guide us.

Be still...

I often find myself only finding time to blog in the middle of the night. The house is finally quiet except for the rhythmic breathing of the kids and David's annoying, yet somehow comforting snore. It is in these moments I find myself most reflective of the day and finally taking in every little moment that we all had together.

Tonight I was laying in bed watching my favorite Sunday night show "Brothers and Sisters". After it ended I wondered what's next? God spoke to me unexpectedly, as he often does, "Be still and know that I am here". I thought ok this had got be good, God is speaking to me clearly, this is what I have been waiting for! So I waited and...nothing. To say I was dissappointed doesn't even begin to explain how I felt. So I rolled out of bed and started talking to God, dissappointed that he hadn't revealed an answer to my recent questions that I have been hounding him about lately. I am nothing if not persistent when I want something. It wasn't until much later that I felt him speak to my heart again asking "Isn't it enough to know I am with you?". OK. He got me. I have been struggling with God lately. I have been looking for and asking questions and He has been very quiet. As you may have guessed silence wasn't in my plan and I have been frustrated with this silence. In that moment I realized it is enough that He is beside me if I just let it be.

I have been reading an interesting blog the last few days and would suggest it to anyone. It is written by Angie Smith and it is titled "Bring the Rain". I will probably blog about it more in detail at a later time but for now let me just say that she has an amazing walk to share.

The thing that most intrigued me was when she talked about her plan versus God's plan. Uh-oh this can't bee good? Yes all my friends I know what you are thinking "Don't mess with Amy's plan." I have a plan for everything the hour, the day, the year, etc. And if the first one doesn't work out I probably have at least 3 other back ups and if those don't work just give me five minutes. I am type A and I like things my way. I want my expectations always met and unfortunately God doesn't work that way. He has a plan all of His own and it is always plan A.